Chwodhary Rabiya Shafiq

‘Without friends no one would like to live’ these words of great thinker Aristotle should be an eye opener for the introvert persons especially those who purport to live alone or in isolation. A 20th century poet of england goes a step further to say that:
“Think where my glory most begins and ends,
And say my glory was i have such friends’

Pren Chand, the great hindi Novelist lays some norms for the persons who want to make friends . For frienship it is not necessary that the friends belong to the same caste, community or religion. It is not necessary that they are of same age, nor that they follow the same vocation or belong to same proffesion. For friends one thing is indispensable and that is that their way of thinking is harmonious. One can remark that “the building of friendship is eracted on the foundation of identical thoughts”.

While makingba friend one should make sure which qualities he expects in his friend and also if he/she possesses them or not. If the answer is in the positive then he/she must develop those qualities before goingbin for friendship. This means before making friends one shoudl rub off his/her augularities and try to develop the qualities of amiability and adjustment. The true friends are expected to partake the pleasure and pain and sorrows of each other. Otherwise the bond of friendship are likely to break even before they came into existence. To emphasize once again adjustment is a must between friends which is the means through which harmonious relationships can be attained. About true friend some thinker has said :
“He that is thy friend indeed,
He will help thee in thy need,
In thou grieve he will weep,
If thou make he can’t sleep”.
You will do well to remember, that the above way of behaviour be reciprocal as a friendship is not a one way traffic.

To complete the expectation of a friend i would like to add these words of Elbert Hubbard ‘A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same’.

A word of warning will not be out of place to mention in this regard. In a persons life there are some occasions when to keep appearances and maintain privacy one has to observe some reserve. A true friend will show due respect for them and allow with grace his/her counterpart to have his/her full freedom. Friendship is constant in all other things same in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. Extrovert persons make friends more easily because they are og pleasant disposition and get mixed with all sorts of person. They try to behave on a way which the person around would like, in short their personalitybis polished and behaviour more civilized. As a psychologist has very aptly said so long as there is no dearth of moisture in your eyes, there would be no dearth of friend for you.

To make friends one has to be a person of sweet tongue and also not too assertive. The sweeter tge tongue more the number of friends. The less assertive one is the less resistence he finds in life with the result that life becomes a smooth going. The more adjusting ones nature or temperament the more he is able to make friends. Let me give an example of nature; Kukoo is is always welcome as she has a sweet and melodious voice on the other hand the crow’s hard voice is despised everywhere and by everyone. You may not give sugar to a person but you can talk to him/her with a sugar touched sweet tongue.

One more thing which brings about friendship and makes it stable is accepting the fact that you are not perfect or faultless. You must learn to overlook the fault of others and consider everyone as good or as bad as yourself. If you treat on equal terms even those whom you consider persons of lesser intelligence this would project you image favourable and earn you goodwill from all quarters. An occasion may arise whn some such person may be of help to you in case you behave or act otherwise, person of a bit moderate level may create trouble for you, when you are put in some tight corner. One more piece of advice from the great English author Paul De Kook ‘The way to keep friends is never to borrow from them and never to lend them anything. The dust of money makes dirty the only morror of the heart of friends’.

Keep in mind what Samuel Johnson has writen “If a man doesn’t make new acquaintances as he advances in life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep the friendship in constant repair”.

In the words of Alexander Pope “Friendship is the heart of reason and the flow of soul”.
But at the same time a word of Caution from the Kaiketor “Don’t make a person your friend who has broken friendship Thrice”.

We must not make friends for enjoyment only, simultanously we should enrich our knowledge through friendship. It is rightly said that no one isbyou enemy or friend but your teacher. The great lesson of life taught by those who were successful in life is that try to meet other peraons at their level. Never think whether one is like me or not or one should become as i am. Try to feel that i am like him/her and make him/her you friend. One must overcome ones vanity and make the other feel that one is like him/her. Then try to search for the teacher in a person before you collect the pearl knowledge and enrich your life. A word caution here from the writer of this piece : Do Not Look at friendship as a means of exploiting a person for economic or financial gains. If you make him/her feel like your guide and teacher her sense of self respect will be satisfied and he/she would deem it an honour to give you the best in hin/her.

“The essence of true friendship is to make allowance of anothers life faulty”. – David Story

“Mankind has become so much one family that we can’t ensure our own prosperity except by ensuring that of everyone else. If you wish to be happy yourself, you must resign yourself to seeing others also happy”. – Bertrand Russel.

Chwodhary Rabiya Shafiq : The Writer of this piece is a First Female Journalist Activist and Entrepreneur from Peer Panjal Region . She can be email at


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